Thinking about separation

Deciding to end a marriage, civil partnership or a relationship is not an easy one. It can be a traumatic event for all those involved, especially if there are children.

Thinking about separation

If you are considering separation, then you need to have all the facts about your possible options as soon as you can. Having them allows you to take control of the situation. You will be able to make realistic plans for your future as well any children’s future. No matter what decisions you make, being able to feel that your choices will see you leading a new and better life for yourself will help you to feel good about yourself and your way forward.

Separating Myth from Reality

Any decision about whether to end a relationship will have consequences that will need to be fixed. This means being able to separate the myth from the reality of what will happen.

Some myths about break-ups include:

If you are not with someone everyone assumes there must be something wrong with you.

For the sake of the children, it is better to stay together.

With all the handouts they get, single parents have things easy.

I feel like such a failure to myself and my family.

On the other hand the truth about separation is:

All of us want to be able to spend our life with someone special however believing in yourself is just as important. Not having a partner does not mean that you cannot have an enjoyable life.

The number of marriages that end in divorce is about 32%. On average most couples are together for about eight years before deciding to separate.

About half of those who divorce have children. What is important for the children is that they can continue to maintain a quality relationship with both parents.

Just over half of all single parents are working.

Things you need to consider

If you are considering whether to end a relationship, it is important to remember that there is no right or wrong way. What is important is to consider what is right for you. Deciding to end a relationship has important legal, financial and housing issues that need consideration.

Children – Think about what are you going to tell them. What arrangements will you need to make for them?

Finance – Think about what your financial situation might be if you decide to separate. Do you have to go back to work or will you be eligible for government help?

Housing – Do you need to find alternative living accommodation?

It is important that even if you are on good terms with your partner, that you explore all your options and that you have access to good quality information

The early days

In the early days of any break-up, there will always be a feeling of loss. The loss of being part of a family for example. Dealing with the grief associated with such loss is important. Having an awareness of the different stages of grief can sometimes help get you through the early days following the break-up.

Just as important in the early days of a break-up is having support mechanisms in place. Whether they be family, friends or both, they can help you get through each day so that you are at a point where each of you can make decisions about the future. When you are at that point will be the time when you are ready to talk to a family mediator.

Getting help

Taking the decision to separate is not the end of things. Read about the practical steps you need to take and questions you need to consider to get yourself organised and ready for the process.

Call NFMS on 03300101367 for more help on Family Mediation